Avoid the Drama

Being a single parent, I think, is sometimes just as much about avoiding a ton of other people’s drama as it is taking care of your kids and yourself. Let’s face it, especially if you are struggling financially,  trying to juggle a crazy schedule all by yourself and trying to squeeze in some time to make some extra money someplace, isn’t that enough?

But it’s almost like something is in the air or something that is making people just act crazy lately! I so want to say I just don’t know what is going on. I guess there’s a million things it could be blamed on – the bad economy, too much stress, somebody is too lonely, somebody else is too busy, whatever. But seriously, you have control over your own life, and sometimes you have to make a stand to make sure it stays your own…no matter how messy it may be at times!

Now, I have one friend who I truly admire and like a lot. Her bosses are giving her a really, really hard time at work. Somehow, this eases their consciences about the fact they have given her notice she is being laid off. Why that makes them feel better, I can’t even begin to explain. I mean, isn’t it bad enough for ANY single parent to be laid off? Is there really any point in going out of your way to be flat out mean to them in the meantime? I seriously do NOT understand this, but, I gotta admit, she’s coming through with flying colors. Stressed out beyond belief, true. And, don’t get me wrong, she does complain about it. Who wouldn’t? But, she isn’t being nasty to anybody else because of it, and, as difficult as it may be for her to just not burst into tears all the time, she’s toughing it out and not letting it take over her life. After all, she has kids to think of, and she has to keep it together for them if nothing else.And this is exactly the person I love to hang out with…she knows she has it bad now, but also knows it will get better. And is smart enough and determined enough to make it happen.

And on the other end of the spectrum, I have another friend who I generally think the world of. Until lately. Now, when she let her ex-husband move back into the house after several years, I didn’t say a word. People grow up, and people change, right? Maybe sometimes…but this time around he’s an alcoholic, is cheating on her, and has no job. As far as I know, she is in no danger of losing her job, and she does some freelance work for extra money, but still! What’s the point of making extra money if you are just going to support somebody’s drinking habit or laziness with it? And she’s caught him cheating several times…yet still lets him come back and pays all his bills. I think it’s ridiculous. And, I hate to say it, but I’ve had to put some distance between us. While we used to run errands together and spend time at each other’s houses, now she insists that this fool always come along.  Not only do I not like him, but I don’t want him to influence my daughter. I don’t want to have to explain this kind of bad relationship to her yet. Nor do I want to explain to her why my friend is putting up with his crap (ok, that’s actually beyond me…) or have him throw a fit in my house. No way, not gonna happen. And one person supporting another is one thing if they are committed, and the jobless person is taking care of things around the house or whatever. Unfortunately, that is not the case here. At all. And as for what this is doing to the kids…I don’t even want to go there!

So, I guess my point is this. Sometimes single parents have it tough. Sometimes we just squeak by, sometimes we need help with money, or taking care of the house, or chauffeuring children around. Sometimes we may just want to cry because we get tired of  doing it all by ourselves. But after witnessing what my 2nd friend is going through, I much prefer to look at things the way my 1st friend is. It may be tough sometimes, but I can do bad all by myself. And my kids will be way better off than if I settle for less of a partner than I deserve. And really, if you have kids already, do you really want to take care of another one that may be 30 years old? No way, not me!  In that case, just be tough, hang in there, and somebody that deserves you and your kids will come along eventually. Leave the jerks alone so they can grow up a little.